I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
