Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
