in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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