i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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