Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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