This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
