im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
