Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
