he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
