I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
