Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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