True but thats because hes a fetus.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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