I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
