My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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