where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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