I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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