Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
im on a boat
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