I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
