so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
