we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize