I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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