That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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