What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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