I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
