You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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