Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
