my soul wont recognize me after tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
