He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
