Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
