She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
