I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His hands were made for my vagina.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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