Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
