Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
