well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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