Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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