nut hugger
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
