I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
