is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
