Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
