we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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