i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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