if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
