i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
