The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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