Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
operation harelip BJ is a go
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
