THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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