just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
