Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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