WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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