a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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