I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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