literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
