The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
