When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
