Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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