i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
