Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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