i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
