I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
