Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
