i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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