Me. At least after what I've been through.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
