Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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