I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
