I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my being single is dangerous.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
