splinters make it hard to masturbate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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