I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
