I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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