Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
