READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
