hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
