her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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