did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
