well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
