He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
