I think my fart just growled at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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