hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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