omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
