i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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