I didn't shave. On purpose
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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