How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sext me about skeletons
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
