I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize