Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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