we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
