I am full of burrito and curiosity
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
