Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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