conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
