We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
