Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
